Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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