new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
