please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
