What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
