I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
