There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No subtext here. People are naked.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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