so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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