TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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