How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
