apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
