Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
