summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
