Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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