Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
