He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got inside last night via doggy door
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
