somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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