So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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