I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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