ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
