he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
too bad you live with your parents still
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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