So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
