My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
