The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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