A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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