Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
