Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
