I think my vagina is haunted
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
