what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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