just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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