fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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