if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
