walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
