The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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