this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
