Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
