My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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