Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
