WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
