Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
