Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
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