When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
