Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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