why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
