Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
