I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
