she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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