I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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