Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
