Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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