He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
