She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
