Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
