Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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