how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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