Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
